Minimalist wardrobes for myself and my twin babies

I used to really enjoy writing in this blog, and then life became more complicated than I would have liked for a bit. During that time I wrote a lot of posts in my head and they never made it to the computer. I've still got a lot of interesting articles stuck up in my brain and I want to get them on here... Some of them are really deep and heavy, others are light and fluffy. I'm going to jump back into writing with a light and fluffy piece.

We have too much!!!

Too much clothing, too much rich food, too many toys, too many distraction devices, too much "free" time, too many space holders, too many books (that go unread), too many... just too much everything!

Now... I am of course speaking from a place of privilege. As a white, middle class woman who lives in a first world country I have a lot that many people in this world lack. Though I've come to notice that most of what I have does not generate happiness or a better life for me... most of what I have just seems to collect dust and need constant organizing and maintenance!

It's important to be aware of privilege when talking about decluttering or becoming minimalist because there are so many people who's life cannot be improved by owning less socks. I also do not seek to romanticize the idea of owning less because I am aware that there are so many out there who really could use, among other things, that pair of socks.

That said, my big project currently is downsizing everything my family of four owns so that we can move in (temporarily) with my parents in an attempt to pay off our student loan debt so we can return to our lavish lifestyle in our 850 square foot house in the city ;) hint: I'm a bit frustrated that our student loan debt has made it so difficult for us to live our simple, one income life in our small house. Oh well... It is time for me to let of that and move on (I'm still working on the letting go!)

Moving on.

I do not own an insane amount of clothes... and neither do my babies. But since the four of us will be living in 1.5 rooms for the next two years we need to be very picky about what we will take with us.

Here was my pile of clothes before decluttering:

I had two bins of clothes that were either too big (left over from pregnancy), out of season, or just stuff I didn't wear. Then I had a drawer full of out of season clothes that I wasn't wearing, and a laundry basket of clothes I was wearing (because there was no room in my drawer I couldn't put stuff away.) So, you can see from this photo that it's not an insane amount of clothes. If, like most people in the USA, I had my own dresser and closet these close would all fit quite nicely. But, in our home, I share a dresser with my wife and have no closet. We will have a closet when we move to my parent's home but we will have much more than just my clothes to store there.

My method was to sort all of my clothes by type. Shirts, pants/shorts, socks, underwear, bras, exercise stuff, and pajamas. The two biggest piles were exercise stuff and shirts. I have a lot of weather specific exercise stuff... so I must be that guy who is out running in ALL the weather... nope... I do dream of being that guy, but I'm just me. I play roller derby and sometimes I cross train. I want to exercise more, but having a great big pile of exercise stuff hasn't helped me yet, so most of that got the ax! 

The t-shirts were a little harder to declutter... I don't feel as though I have a specific style. I just put on a shirt and pants and move forward. But I have always wanted a style. So I've tried lots of different shirt/pant combos to find that style. It's hard to let go of a shirt that is just waiting for the perfect pair of leggings to finally unveil my style. So, here I have decided to let go of the ides of having a style.

Here is a photo of almost everything I kept. (There is a dress that's already packed away since it isn't good for breastfeeding, the clothes I was wearing, and some stuff that was dirty.) Everything in the bin is out of season clothes. The stuff on the floor fit into my 1.5 drawers in our dresser.

Here is my discard pile... which actually got bigger recently as I found a bin of more clothes from pregnancy. Since I'm back to my old size now and I'm not interested in getting pregnant again all of that stuff is moving on.

This is my big drawer. I still think I have too much exercise stuff... Most of it is roller derby jerseys. I think I have three sets of black and white scrimmage tops! I don't know why it's so hard to part with them... But I think they will find there way out in a future purge. Pants/shorts on the right. T-shirts and tank tops in the middle. Pajamas and exercise stuff on the left.

This is my little drawer. Bras and underwear on the left. Swim suit and socks on the right.

And that's it. That's everything that remains.

For me... Now on to babies!

We are VERY fortunate to have received a large amount of hand me down clothes from friends. As much as I would love to buy all of my own baby clothes (from sustainable and ethical sources of course) and create a really cute baby style for them, it just isn't in the cards for us. Babies can be expensive, and twins can be REALLY expensive. But, when you have very little money, babies can also be surprisingly simple to maintain with a minimalist approach.

Here is the vast amount of baby clothes I currently have. (And I do believe this is the third time I have culled their clothing!) I also have a TON of receiving blankets. The clothes in the foreground were all in their tiny closet. And the clothes in the back were in bins in the basement waiting for the girls to grow into them.

My process here was the same as with my clothes. I sorted everything into type. I also had a discard pile for things that are too small or just not something I want to use with them. Since they are now nine months old I've gotten a better idea of what clothes work best with our lifestyle (Our babies wear clothe diapers with wool covers, which a pretty bulky, so a lot of baby clothes just don't work well)

Here were the categories I had: long sleeve onesies, short sleeve onesies, pants, shorts, pajamas, dresses/rompers, socks, stockings, bathing suit, shirts, tank tops, jackets and hats.

I decided that if I do laundry twice a week I should need to following:

5-7 short sleeve onesies

5-7 long sleeve onesies

4 pairs of pants

0 shorts 

(none of the shorts I had fit nicely over our diapers... and our diaper covers work well enough on their own as shorts)

4 pajama sets

10 dresses/rompers

5-7 socks

2 stockings (that's all we have anyway)

1 bathing suit (again, that's all we have)

6 tank tops/t-shirts

2 hats

2 hoodies

This is everything I kept for BOTH girls. And the main reason I tried to keep to those numbers was because I had so many things I loved. My mom knits beautiful things for them, and we have received some really cute things as gifts. Not to mention the fact that the hand me downs we have received were in great condition and super cute too! I honestly had a really hard time downsizing the dresses and rompers. So I have decided to keep more than 10... I think we have 16! As the girls grow out of them I will not be replacing them until I get to about 6. Then I think that will be a good number.

Here is what their closet looks like now. On the hangers are all the dresses and rompers. In the left box is onesies and tanktop/shirts. In the right box is hoodies and hats. Then there is a box you can't see that has 6 blankets and their socks.

The rest of the stuff I kept is in just one bin. I only kept a few of the long sleeve onesies and pants out since it's so warm here now. I really do look forward to downsizing this even more as they grow out of stuff.

I'm lucky to have babies that don't spit up much, so we can get away with very little. When they were super tiny they would stay in the same sleeper for 2-3 days! They are just starting to become mobile and I really hope they love to dig in the dirt and play with sticks!! Lol... so this kind of minimalist wardrobe might not work so well in a year, but we shall see.

I'd love to hear what you think about minimalist wardrobes! Do you think this could work for you? What would be the hardest part about downsizing?

Thanks for reading :)

I Can Never Appreciate You Enough - Musings On Death And Life

So much in this life is replaceable.... My clothes, my car, that electronic device I devote so much of my time to.

With all this constant replacing, I sometimes forget that not everything is so easily replaced. Those minutes I spent listening to my babies giggle, the time spent with my mother remembering my childhood, the hour my sister and I danced around each other's hearts together... These are the moments I can never replace. And to think, those experiences were all just a "smart" phone notification away from never happening.

Last week my 24 year old cousin died suddenly. 

It's so different to mourn an unexpected death. I was so sad recently when my 84 year old grandfather passed. He was living in hospice care. We had time to prepare... Time to say goodbye.

This time, not only has a sweet and beautiful person been stollen from us, but we were also robbed of the chance to say farewell... To say I love you... To give one last hug.

To say, "Danny you will be missed," is insufficient. But what else is there? I am at a loss of words.

I wish I'd had more chances to share my world with yours. I love you Danny

How I Survived The First Three Months With Twins

First the disclaimer: I'm not writing this post to tell you how you should do or should have done things. While I was pregnant I read many of these types of articles and most of them didn't really match with how I wanted to raise my children... So I think I should share my experience, ideas and reflections just in case there is someone out there who wants to do things the way we do things.

My girls are almost four months old, and a few weeks ago I felt like we were coming out of a dark tunnel! The first three months are hard... It really is all about survival.

I gave up on the following things:

A clean home

Regular showers

Exercise

Making all of my food from scratch

Going to friend's houses

Working a job

Reading books

Watching TV

Playing video games

Crafting

Helping other people

Doing it all on my own

These are things I'd like to get back into my life, and though we are moving past the survival stage, this is still pretty hard.

I've broken this article up into five sections:

Sleep and Feeding

Mental health

Self care

Asking for help

Baby gear and diapers

Sleep and Feeding

Here is what I had planned. We would have our bed on the floor with a crib mattress next to it. The babies would sleep on the crib mattress next to us. I would bring them into our bed to nurse them then return them to their mattress for sleep. There is a crib mattress in the floor in their room, and that's where they will nap during the day.

That was the plan... One of these days I might just realise that plans are for suckers!

Here is what actually happened. When E came home after 33 days in the NICU I tried to sleep next to her, but I couldn't. She would grunt and call out in her sleep. And I woke up at the tiniest noise! I was so tired and still healing. So she stated sleeping in her room. She would cry when she was hungry and we'd get up to give her a bottle, then put her back in her room... Then, after 39 days in the NICU, W joined her sister in their room. 

After 2 weeks of waking up to screaming babies, warming bottles and pumping while giving bottles my wife and I were both exhausted. I began to show signs of postpartum depression. This was not working.

After meeting with my doctor and a counselor we decided that the six hour breastfeeding window that E was allowed was too restricting for me. They gave me the go-ahead to nurse her as much as I wanted and we now had weekly visits to check her weight.

Slowly I nursed E more and more, and eventually at night too. W still had not latched so we would wake up at night to nurse E, bottle feed W and then I would pump for W before returning to bed. This was still exhausting, but one of my babies was nursing full time, this kept my spirits high :)

By the time the girls were 2 months old they were back to the crib mattress beside our bed. And after a week of lots of skin to skin W was nursing full time too!! Now I started bringing the girls into bed to nurse them. I'd keep one on the crib mattress and one on our mattress with my back to my wife. I'd lay next to which ever baby woke up and nurse her while laying down. It was very uncomfortable to lay on the crib mattress so eventually both girls came into the bed and my wife moved to a couch near our bed. This is when things really started to work! 

Now at about 9pm we double diaper the girls and I bring one to bed with me while one snugles with my wife. I nurse the first baby to sleep and if the second baby didn't fall asleep in my wife's arms I now nurse that baby to sleep. That's usually when I pass out. My wife often stays up to play video games or watch a show, because self care and me time is important for everyone!

I nurse the girls on demand through the night... Barely waking up each time to latch them then passing back out. After the 5-6ish AM feed I get out of bed to pump. I make extra milk at night and I don't want it to go to waste. Some times the girls sleep until 7 or 8, sometimes they don't. When they wake up my wife gets them so I can finish pumping or eating my breakfast.

Then I nurse them on demand through the day. We still haven't figured out how to do daytime naps... But I'm sure that will come in time!

Mental Health

I mentioned above that I developed postpartum depression when my babies were one month old. I'm not sure why it took that long to hit me. Maybe I was still in shock from their stressful birth, my painful recovery and the scary NICU stay. 

I struggled with depression through my twenties, so I recognised the signs, and I knew I had to get help. I couldn't let this get too bad because I wanted to be there for my babies. I feel very fortunate that I was able to see the signs and strong enough to reach out.

One day my mom was visiting and I walked her out to her car. I hugged her and said, "I know it might look like I've got this... But I really don't!" And I started to cry. She held me tight and said she'd be back tomorrow, and any day I needed her. She still comes over three times a week, I'd be lost without her.

I do not like going to counseling. And I absolutely hate meeting a new therapist. But I forced myself to go. I even tried to take the medicine they gave me, but it changed the taste of my milk and my babies we refusing to nurse and take bottles so my doctor and I decided to end that.

Sitting in front of my therapist I barred my soul and admitted to all the scary dangerous thoughts banging around in my head every Tuesday morning. I'm so lucky to have found such a sweet and carry therapist, I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't found her.

Two months after I started treatment I'm starting to feel like myself again. I wish I had started counseling while my girls were in the NICU. My advice to anyone who has been through a difficult birth is to seek counseling before symptoms erupt.

Self Care

While I was in the darkest weeks of depression I stopped showering, stopped socializing, stayed indoors and stared at my phone. I didn't do anything for me. Even when I ate I did it just to make milk for my babies. And I ate mostly crap.

Working with my therapist I came up with several necessary things to do to take care of myself.

First of all I came up with a plan to return to playing roller derby. Prior to my pregnancy, derby was my life. Today is the third practice I'll be on skates for. It's scary to put those skates on. My body is weak and I'm afraid it will break... But I need to risk that in order to maintain my mental health. I used to be really good at roller derby, and it's hard to stay positive when I struggle so much to get up from the ground. It's hard to believe in myself again. I'm not there yet, but I know I'll get there. It may sound strange, but even something like believing in yourself takes practice. And I'm practicing that a lot these days!

I also found a breastfeeding support group. They meet every week, and I go each time. It's such a wonderful place! Being around such warm and enthusiastic people who are walking a similar yet unique path feels so good. There is even another twin mom there! The other mothers just help me to feel so good about myself, it's like a drug!

I know I need to do more for self care, but I'm afraid to take too much for myself. I have two brand new people to take care of and an amazing partner to love them with. These three people mean the world to me and it's hard to take time away from them. I'm working on it, and I've decided that slowly I'll figure out something that will work for us all

Asking for help

This has always been hard for me. 

I'm tough. I'm smart. I'm a problem solver. I don't quit. I'm always better than before...

Except when I'm not...

I also break. I make mistakes. I choose poorly. I make wrong turns and I have given up... For a little bit.

I don't know if it's ego or pride or DNA... But asking for help is hard for me. And now I must remind myself that I'm practicing. I'm not supposed to be good at this yet. I'm just practicing.

One of my friends organized a meal train for us during December. It was so helpful to get some food and not have to do dishes! I've had several friends come over so I could take a nap. My mom was here almost every day for a while. And sometimes when she wasn't here I'd just call her up while the girls were crying and I was alone. Even though she wasn't with me I still felt less alone.

Reaching out is hard. But I can't imagine how I would have gotten through the past four months without all of this help. Thank you.

Baby gear and diapers

And now for the fluff. Which is a pretty literal statement when you cloth diaper your babies.

Here are the things I can't live without:

A large firm mattress bed

Sleep sacks

Clek carseats

Spotify

Breast pump

Nipple butter

Kiki Pura bottle with Lansinoh MOmma nipple

Second hand clothes from friends

Moby

My brestfriend twin Breastfeeding pillow

Nursing bra and pads

Green mountain cotton diaper flats

Rumparooz covers and snapies

Lots of food

Here are things I have an love, but could live without if needed:

Bugaboo donkey twin stroller

Rock n plays

Breastfeeding stool 

New cellphone (with a much better camera!)

Wool crib mattresses

Changing table from Craigslist

Custom baby books from etsy

So, as you can see, I'm pretty minimalist with my baby must-haves list.

And just a quick note on diapers. People are often surprised that I cloth diaper twins. It was a choice made partly due to cost and partly due to my belief that cloth is better for babies and the environment. I chose flats because they are cheap and very easy to get clean. In total we spent about $350 for all our diapers wipes and covers. These should keep both of our girls dry until they are potty trained. Washing costs about $100-$200 a year. So that's a pretty big savings. There are many other options, must of them were just too expensive for us. But these diapers work perfectly. And if we didn't bring home super tiny NICU Babies we could have skipped the newborn diapers and saved $80 :)

So that's it. That's how I've survived the first three months. Thank you for reading and I hope this helps someone.