Feeling Lucky To Be Sick

This cough has been my recurrent companion for nearly three months now. Perhaps it's bronchitis, or pneumonia, or just some very stubborn pathogen that finds the base of my lungs to be the ideal vacation spot! Either way, it makes breathing stressful, and annoying and makes me sound like an 89 year old lifelong Lucky Strikes addict.

So, of course, I took to Facebook to complain. Because that is the most efficient way to spread misery these days. And perhaps one of the primary functions of social media as well.

I don't really know why I had to write that post. I was sad I hadn't been running (partly by choice, and partly due to the eight million feet of snow outside my door) and I figured this not-breathing-well thing made a great excuse, so I'd let it spread. The very first comment came from a friend of mine, he wrote, "I speak from experience here, [running] is pretty much the last thing you should do."

A note on his experience, my friend has cystic fibrosis. If you are unfamiliar with this condition, and allergic to Internet searches, here is the first sentence from webMD, "Cystic fibrosis is a life-threatening disorder that causes severe damage to the lungs and digestive system."

Life threatening.

When I first met this friend, I was fascinated with his diagnosis, and asked him an excess of questions... particularly the kind of questions new acquaintances generally steer clear of. (My curiosity typically takes precedence over societal norms)

Another quote from webMD, "Recent improvements in screenings and treatments mean that most people with cystic fibrosis now live into their 20s and 30s, and some are living into their 40s and 50s"

I am in my 30s, and my friend is older than me. He and my fiancee have been friends since college. When he popped up on Facebook she and the rest of her college friends were relieved that he was still alive and kicking. At that time I did not know him, and had never heard of CF, so I thought that was an odd thing to say about someone who was obviously healthy enough to go to college... I mean, of course he is fine.

It's so easy to take life and health for granted.

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I play roller derby (have I mentioned that before? ;) and so I've missed some practices recently, and those I have attended have been more of a struggle that usual. Even without a pathogen that's overstayed its welcome, roller derby practice is a struggle, especially when I allow myself focus on our league's skaters who have such grace and finesse on the track.

It's so easy for me to look at them, and then look at me and wonder why I even try. They spin at will, pop up from the ground before they have even landed, hop the apex like it's nothing and every inch of their character exudes confidence. It looks like they are having so much more fun than I am! It looks like their muscles just do what their told... like they never even get tired or hurt!

Of course that is what it LOOKS like.

These women spend so much of their time, money, effort and soul on being fit, strong, smart, calm and focused. And even though I know how hard they work, it's so easy for me to dismiss that and just say they are innately better than me.

It's so easy to take for granted my own abilities and ignore the fact that I don't even lift BRO!

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I can, and often do, compare myself to those I perceive as better than me, and use that analysis to justify a quiet castigation of my successes (or lack there of.) And of course that's wrong. Of course it allows me to ignore all the hard work THEY did, which I shirk. Of course it does no good for me, and of course I need to stop.

But what I realized today, is how readily I compare myself to someone who (IMO) walks on water and how rarely I compare myself to someone who's situation I'd never want to be in.

I'm so grateful I am not homeless.
I'm so grateful I don't work at a job I hate.
I'm so grateful I'm not in an abusive relationship.
I'm so grateful I'm not drowning in debt.
I'm so grateful I'm not surrounded by people who hate me.
I'm so grateful I'm not a rookie skater anymore.
And I'm so grateful I don't have cystic fibrosis.

I'm so grateful that I will get better.

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So, why don't we readily compare ourselves to those who's struggles are greater than our own?

Is it because it's uncomfortable? Or because THAT could never happen to us? Or because we don't even think about it?

I think it's privilege.

I am privileged to be healthy. And so I take for granted my health, until I feel the pain of its absence.

But I am so lucky that I'm just sick. And I am lucky to have friends who share their struggles so that I can appreciate what I have.

Thank you.

When Socks Attack!

Cats know too well the evil nature of socks. Hence their ever vigilant hunt!

I've recently started a simplicity group with some of my friends. We plan to gather once a month and talk about why this lifestyle choice is important to us and explore ideas about the things we need help with and the things that are working well for us.

At our first meeting, one of my friends declared that this month she hopes to simplify her family's socks. And I've been thinking about socks ever since!

I have always loved socks. I am very specific about the types of socks I like to wear. They need to be as close to 100% cotton as possible, well fitted so they don't side down often, colors I like and when I find socks that are also not made in a questionable sweatshop I am in heaven! But I have the privilege to be picky... I don't have kids!

My friend and her husband have three young children... so with five people and feet that never seem to stop growing, one begins to comprehend the sock struggle. And yet, this friend of mine is not alone, I have another friend coping with the same problem! She and her husband only have one child, but both families still have a basket full of unmatched socks that seems to grow every week. Tie that up with the Google search, "Too many socks" and you will see this problem is omnipresent!

Too Many Socks!

A couple of weeks ago I read an article about a mother who chose to drastically reduced the amount of clothing her family keeps in rotation. She was discontent with the everlasting supply of laundry chores and desperate for relief. That article inspired me to maximize the minimalist potential of my own small wardrobe. Now I have one full size drawer, one half size drawer and a small shelf of clothing in rotation. I still have about two bins of clothes in the attic... and I'm sure half of it will be decluttered soon... perhaps today.

This is where I store ALL of the clothes I currently wear.
On the left you will see my 3 long-sleeve shirts and my 7 t-shirts, then my sweater and my 2 pairs of pants, then my running clothes and derby clothes.
In the middle you see my sports bras and underwear (OMG! Now the world knows I wear underwear!!!) and my socks (running, derby, normal and dress/tights... not sure why I have those)
Finally a small shelf with two pairs of PJs, painting clothes and my reflective vest for running and biking.

I took those pictures today, and I last did laundry about 2 days ago, so some of the clothes are missing... but you get the picture.

I've only been using this minimalist wardrobe for a little over a week. It seems preliminary to talk results, but I would like to share some of my initial impressions. 

- I like how my drawers look, how easy it is to see my belongings and that I only have a few places to look to find them.

- Since I only kept seven t-shirts, I get to wear my favorite shirt every day! When I take today's shirt off the pile I am so happy to see what I will be wearing tomorrow!

- I have DRASTICALLY reduced the amount of exercise clothes I keep in rotation. I am not sure if this will work, but I do tend to air out my workout clothes and wear them more than once... I mean, I'm about to get really stinky anyway, so who cares!

- I also rewear my PJs for a couple of days, and since I plan to do my laundry once every 3-4 days, this should be okay. 

- I love all of the socks I currently own... it makes me very happy that I don't have to wear lesser socks just because my clean ones are waiting in the dirty laundry.

Recently my fiancee told me that she gets a little sad when she opens her drawer full of freshly laundered clothes, pulls our her favorite shirt and then retires it to the dirty clothes basket for the next week or so while we procrastinate the chore of laundry. I like the fact that I have given myself the freedom to be happy with less, by focusing on what I have and love.

What do you think? Could this work for you? I'd love to read some thoughts :)

The Thrill Of Experimenting With Less!

I've been reading minimalism lifestyle blogs for several months now. Slowly I've been going through my belongings and bringing car and TRUCK loads of stuff to Goodwill. Now I'm working on diving in deeper.

Experiment - Less Inauthentic Interactions

I love people. I love you! Yes... even YOU!! So it should come as no surprise that over the last seven years since I first started to use Facebook I have have struggled with an addiction to it.

I first started to use Facebook while I was living in South Korea. I used it to stay in contact with friends and family, and to play this addicting little farm game because I really missed having my own dirt to dig in. My mom and I played the game together, and we would visit each other's farms while chatting online. I would watch as my mother's avatar walked around my farm... I'd walk my avatar up to hers and type that I was waving. Now this all seems really sad and pathetic. But I missed my family, and this was one of the few ways I had to connect with them while living abroad.

When I moved back home and into my parents' house I immediately dug up a large portion of their backyard and planted my first farm! I was so proud of that farm :)

I used to have really long hair!

I got through jet lag with early morning runs and late night Facebook binging. Now I had a lot of friends in South Korea I needed to maintain contact with. A few months after moving back home I started playing roller derby and my friend list exploded! I had all of these new friends that I knew nothing about and Facebook was my line-in to their worlds. I could browse their photos, ruminate on their words and analyze their "likes."

Now my addiction was set.

Spending two hours a day, or more, was completely reasonable... I might miss someone's birthday. I might miss that cute video of their kid that everyone will be talking about tomorrow. I might miss the photo of their brunch. I might miss their angry rant about evil co-workers, always a good opportunity to commiserate and bond. I might miss a new friend, or a message! Could you imagine if one of my "friends" had to wait for a response? I mean, it's not like they could call me or anything... they don't have my number... we're not friends like THAT.

I've tried to stay away for a week or two, or a month even... Then I started blogging and used the blog as an excuse to log on to the Face... I  mean, who will read this if I don't share it with my "friends?"

I've learned one very important thing from my short Facebook vacations. I am happier when I do not check Facebook.

I know that my experience is not everyone's experience... But for me, Facebook often showcases the things I don't have. I see gatherings I wasn't invited to. New toys I can't afford. Pictures of food at restaurants I can't afford to visit. Achievements my friends have made, that I have not.

I know this is not the fault of Facebook, or my friends. I know that it is because I struggle with accepting that I am enough. Most people are surprised to know that about me. But it's the truth. And it's something I am not going to mess around with any more.

Like an alcoholic needs to put limits on their exposure to bars, I to need to put limits on inauthentic interactions with the people I love. Instead I will meet you and I will hear you. I will spend time with you in a room. And everything else is a distraction.

I have some other experiments I am working on this month:
- Minimalist wardrobe and laundry
- Simplify group meetings
- Email minimalism
- Kitchen declutter
- Shopping minimalism (just once a month, except for fresh food)

And I plan to write about each of these as I experience them. Calling it an experiment makes it easy to change my world... because I'm telling myself it isn't permanent. If at some point in the experiment I decide that this isn't for me, I can just change it to something else. It's much more forgiving, and makes the first step towards being the change less of a hardship.