Greed vs. Altruism

I've been thinking a lot about greed lately. About people who have so much yet refuse to help those who have so little.

Honestly, I'm not even talking about the super, ultra rich. Most of my life I have made the kind of salary that affords me an almost-middle class life, so I don't have the knowledge base to begin to understand the ultra rich and why they do what they do.

I'm talking about you and me. Normal, everyday people. Many of us are just doing what we can to pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads. We often feel we can't share what we have... that without the little extra in our pocketbook we will suffer some horrible fate.

I think our greed comes from the "what ifs."

What if I lose my job?
What if I lose my house/car?
What if we break up?
What if my kid gets sick?
What if I get sick?
What if social security runs out?
What if my rent goes up?
What if I have to go back to school?
What if....

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs safety is a basic human need. A need so basic that growth can falter if it isn't present. I have food, and I'm healthy... and right now I feel safe... but we humans have the gift a precognition (whether our prognostications are accurate or not is another debate entirely.) Perhaps that is where all of our, "What if?" quandaries come from.

And these types of worries makes me wonder, why do our personal prophecies envision such a bleak future?

Because we don't feel safe.

Well, why don't we feel safe?

Sigh. It's so easy to point fingers now. To blame government, criminals, international discord, history, human nature, religion, war, anger, hate...

But it seems the most important finger is pointed right back at us.

If I won't share to help someone... then why would someone else share to help me? The cycle of fear continues. Fear of the unknown. Fear that kindness will not come my way. Fear that if I can't make it on my own... then I won't make it... I'll fail... and I can't FAIL! Therefore, I can't help.

Why is the finger pointed at us the most important finger? Because it is the only finger you can do anything about. AND, once we change ourselves, everything else will change too.

(Although this may not be a true Gandhi... it fits him well. And gives me hope and direction.)

I wrote this post due to a fight with my family over our differing views about helping the refugee children at the Mexico boarder. I believe that we all can and should help. Even small donations are better than none. And even a few hours of volunteer work are better than none.

Unfortunately, some of my family members felt that helping these kids would only bring hardships upon us. However, I'm with Gandhi and believe that, "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members." And, in this global society, we are all one nation, one people... we all depend on each other. We are are all stronger together.

Together we can do anything. 

I have faith in us. 

I have faith that my family is just on a longer path to compassionate living than others. 

I have faith that I will learn how to discuss sensitive issues without anger.

I have faith that our future is bright... 

What if we work together, and it all works out?

:)

Taming the seven year old clutter-bug

 Birthdays, holidays, family vacations and just-because... there are so many reasons to give a child gifts. They come home from school everyday with projects, work and "art." And if you've ever had the chance to go on a walk with a child, you know they come home with leaves, stones, sticks, flowers and all sorts of random "junk."

But who dertermines what is and is not junk?

When I was a kid I kept many collections, most notable was my collection of unsharpened pencils. I thought they were pretty. And, most importantly, they were MINE. I was a total pack rat as a kid, and I hated the idea of parting with anything of mine... even old toothbrushes and sneakers with more holes than I could count!

This aspect of my personality made my mom a little crazy. My mom keeps a very neat, uncluttered home... and then there was my room! My hoarding behavior continued until after college when I sold almost everything I owned and moved to South Korea. Living for two years with 2.5 suitcases of stuff was wonderful! Since returning to the USA I have regressed a bit into my hoarder state... but I'm working on fixing that, and in my spare time I try to help others too!

Recently I had the opportunity to help the seven year old daughter of a dear friend merge her playroom and bedroom into one big girl room. And mommy gets to have a crafting room now in the kid's old bedroom!

Here are some pictures of the progress:

This is the playroom when we started. I didn't take a photo of K's bedroom... but it kinda looked like this, just with a bed in the middle. So... As you can see, this kid has many people who love her and and have the means to give her lots of great things... Unfortunately it's too much stuff for this seven year old to care for.

So, we started by emptying the playroom, since this will be K's new room.

First third emptied.

Feeling nearly done, but knowing we aren't!

Oh my gods! Empty! (Ish... there were some things she knew she wanted to keep in there... and some furniture I knew we would need... so we kept it.)

We put all of the stuff in the hallway... It looked crazy! Then we started to move her furniture from her old bedroom to the new one.

Done!?... Not nearly!

But it was lunch time on day one... so it was time for a break!

After lunch we put all the playroom stuff into the old bedroom and organized the stuff in her new room. We also looked through her old bedroom for things she knew she wanted in her new room. 

Day two was all about dealing with the piles of stuff in her old room. These are mostly toys that K doesn't play with very often... things from her past, sentimental things, things her parents are sentimental about, and lots and lots of cardboard!

That's a lot of stuff! K and I made a deal... She could keep anything she wants, as long as it has a place in her new room on a shelf or in a drawer. And piling stuff on stuff is not okay. So she knew she couldn't keep this stuff, but dealing with this much stuff is hard... especially for a sentimental seven year old. So, we went to Home Depot and made a compromise.

At 69 cents a box (and a bit more for the big ones) this was a cost effective solution. The plan was, to pack up everything that didn't fit in her new room, and the we can deal with the boxes in one of two ways:

1. Take a box down every couple of days and go through it, and totally deal with everything in it... garbage, donate or keep... But if she wants to keep something, then something else in her room has to go to make space.

2. After 2-3 months of not feeling a need for anything in those boxes mom and I will put them in our vehicles and donate them all.

So we started packing!

She's a hard worker!

Almost lunchtime on day 2.

Lunchtime! Took K out to the restaurant of her choice to thank her for all her hard work! When we came back we went through the HUGE pile of artwork/schoolwork/random papers we found while packing. We tossed most of it.

Two days and ten bags of garbage later we had reclaimed two rooms! :)

I will probably post again when we deal with the boxes... I'm interested to see what becomes of them!

Making the best out of the worst part of roller derby!

Since June 2009 I have been a member of Roc City Roller Derby. I am Farrah Daze Rage... Number 49.

I love roller derby. When I moved to Rochester in April 2009 I was a broken person. I had just ended a very long, unhealthy relationship. I only knew about one or two people in Rochester that I wasn't related to, and jet lag was kicking my ass.

Social networking rekindled some old relationships. One was with a friend I had known since middle school. She was posting all this interesting stuff about roller derby, so I texted her and asked about it. She invited me to check out a practice and said, "Get ready to spend some money on gear, cause you're gonna love this!"

Thanks Kaite. I really do love it! :)

Over the past five years I've had an insane amount of fun, met and bonded with some of the most marvelous people the world has ever known, learned lots of new things and experienced lots of pain.

Derby is a full contact sport... and we don't pull punches. Most of my friends have broken a bone (or two), torn ligaments, sprained joints and been bruised so badly it looks like someone glued a piece of Starry Night onto their thigh! Oh, and then there are the concussions...

Two weeks ago I tripped over a teammate at practice and injured my shoulder. What does a derby girl do when she's injured? Well, I can tell you what this one does!

NSOing and volunteering.

NSO stands for Non Skating Official. They are the people who make roller derby legit (along with the refs.) Without them we wouldn't be able to track scores, penalties or really do much at all during a game. We even need someone to watch the clock... I mean, it's kinda hard to keep an eye on the game clock while you are running for your life! :)

I had the opportunity to help out at a tournament as an NSO in the first week of my injury. I was the penalty box manager. I made a few mistakes... and that's a GREAT thing. I learned so much... and not just about managing the penalty box. I learned how hard all the NSOs work, and how serious they take their job. They often refer to themselves as "team no fun"... but I had a lot of fun... I think they call themselves that because they need to look, act, and be very serious about their position. Us skaters are serious most of the time... but we also screw around on the track a lot... especially during looooooooong time outs! ;) But the NSOs are always serious... it was not an easy task for me :)

One of my favorite parts the big NSO meeting that happens before the game. I always wanted to know what they talked about! It's funny... they do pretty much the same thing we skaters do before a game. They talk about important things to remember, they remind each other that mistakes happen and how important it is to move on  rather than dwell (skaters call that jamnesia) and most importantly, they remind each other that they can do this... that they will do a great job. They support each other like any great team should :) And I felt very fortunate to be a part of that team.

During the second week of my injury I was supposed to play a game. I was looking forward to it, my team was filled with great skaters, and the opponent was worthy! It was going to be a great, competitive game.

I watched my team lose from about 500 feet away as I ran the merch booth. Selling our t-shirts and stickers and buttons to make money and promote our league. Win or lose, I would have wished to be out there skating with my team. Though I am glad I could still help my league in some way... it hurts to sit and watch.

Many of my teammates are hurt much worse than I am right now. I have teammates with broken bones, badly sprained knees and ankles, concussions and so on... Sometimes a skater gets hurt so badly, she can't skate anymore... ever! Some of them leave... but others make the best of the worst situation... they stick around and NSO and volunteer!

I'm going back to practice tonight. I still have a brace on my shoulder... I don't think I'll do much hitting... but I miss my team and I miss my skates. I miss the way it feels to race around the track, to spin around an opponent, to pop back up from the floor and try again... I miss it all so much.

Please don't give me presents anymore.

There are so many ways to start this post and so many different reasons for this decision.

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. I'm pretty sure she is 58 now. A few days ago my sister messaged me, and asked me what I was getting my mom for her birthday... @.@ I had completely forgotten! Now, forgetting a birthday that happens the day before a national holiday seems impossible... especially when it's your own mother's birthday... But, yeah, I forgot... If it weren't for my sister's prodding... Well... let's not think about that.

But what will I get my mom?

I don't like stuff... meaningless, cheap, mass produced, ubiquitous sweatshop stuff. Years ago I began to swear off shopping at Walmart or buying things with the made in China label and recently started to avoid plastic... But maintaining a myriad of self imposed restrictions, in an increasingly elaborate global economy is hard.

And it's even harder when I'm not the one making the decision to buy the stuff. 

My family and friends have always tried to comply with what ever my most concerning restrictions were... But even then... I have received many lovely gifts... that I just don't want. 

...

"You're giving that away? But I gave it to/made it for/found it JUST FOR YOU!"

I want to downsize, I want less stuff in my life. In order to do that I need to get rid of things. I've found that many of my things have strings attached. Attached to people, memories, places, achievements, failures, and even to other things that are long gone. If you can't tell, I'm a fairly sentimental person. :)

There are things I feel like I just can't get rid of... because I fear someone will ask, "Hey, where's that thing I gave you that time?"... And I will have to tell them I sold it, or gave it to Goodwill. Then I have to see them hurt, as the string that connected us, via that thing, is severed.

I don't want to do that any more. So, please don't give me any more gifts.

Last year I told my family that I didn't want things for Christmas. I got some great gift certificates (some I still need to redeem) but I also still got stuff. It's a hard change to make. I think if I stop giving things, then, perhaps I will stop receiving them as well.

...

As I look around my home... around my life... I see how very full it is. Full of wonderful things, people, happenings, thoughts, actions and memories. What more could I ask for? More importantly... what more could I ask for that I cannot procure on my own. My girlfriend and I are both employed and live within our means... we can buy anything we need, and pretty much anything we want. We are very fortunate.

But what I cannot buy is time.

No one can.

So, in closing... If you feel some strong urge to buy me a gift, please don't. But please do spend some time with me. This blog is new... so if you are reading it, you are probably quite dear to me... I would cherish even a short moment together :)

And if all else fails... you could always buy me cookies ;p