Experiment - Less Inauthentic Interactions
I love people. I love you! Yes... even YOU!! So it should come as no surprise that over the last seven years since I first started to use Facebook I have have struggled with an addiction to it.
I first started to use Facebook while I was living in South Korea. I used it to stay in contact with friends and family, and to play this addicting little farm game because I really missed having my own dirt to dig in. My mom and I played the game together, and we would visit each other's farms while chatting online. I would watch as my mother's avatar walked around my farm... I'd walk my avatar up to hers and type that I was waving. Now this all seems really sad and pathetic. But I missed my family, and this was one of the few ways I had to connect with them while living abroad.
When I moved back home and into my parents' house I immediately dug up a large portion of their backyard and planted my first farm! I was so proud of that farm :)
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| I used to have really long hair! |
I got through jet lag with early morning runs and late night Facebook binging. Now I had a lot of friends in South Korea I needed to maintain contact with. A few months after moving back home I started playing roller derby and my friend list exploded! I had all of these new friends that I knew nothing about and Facebook was my line-in to their worlds. I could browse their photos, ruminate on their words and analyze their "likes."
Now my addiction was set.
Spending two hours a day, or more, was completely reasonable... I might miss someone's birthday. I might miss that cute video of their kid that everyone will be talking about tomorrow. I might miss the photo of their brunch. I might miss their angry rant about evil co-workers, always a good opportunity to commiserate and bond. I might miss a new friend, or a message! Could you imagine if one of my "friends" had to wait for a response? I mean, it's not like they could call me or anything... they don't have my number... we're not friends like THAT.
I've tried to stay away for a week or two, or a month even... Then I started blogging and used the blog as an excuse to log on to the Face... I mean, who will read this if I don't share it with my "friends?"
I've learned one very important thing from my short Facebook vacations. I am happier when I do not check Facebook.
I know that my experience is not everyone's experience... But for me, Facebook often showcases the things I don't have. I see gatherings I wasn't invited to. New toys I can't afford. Pictures of food at restaurants I can't afford to visit. Achievements my friends have made, that I have not.
I know this is not the fault of Facebook, or my friends. I know that it is because I struggle with accepting that I am enough. Most people are surprised to know that about me. But it's the truth. And it's something I am not going to mess around with any more.
Like an alcoholic needs to put limits on their exposure to bars, I to need to put limits on inauthentic interactions with the people I love. Instead I will meet you and I will hear you. I will spend time with you in a room. And everything else is a distraction.
I have some other experiments I am working on this month:
- Minimalist wardrobe and laundry
- Simplify group meetings
- Email minimalism
- Kitchen declutter
- Shopping minimalism (just once a month, except for fresh food)
And I plan to write about each of these as I experience them. Calling it an experiment makes it easy to change my world... because I'm telling myself it isn't permanent. If at some point in the experiment I decide that this isn't for me, I can just change it to something else. It's much more forgiving, and makes the first step towards being the change less of a hardship.
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