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| Actual scene from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life 1983 |
I remember being the tallest kid in class. I remember being really strong and tossing the bullies around the playground. I remember when we all got to be the same. And then, everything changed.
Suddenly my male friends were taller and stronger and my female friends were interested in things I couldn't care for (makeup, dating etc.) Of course I know that not all girls become super girly... If I existed, there had to be others like me. And as an adult I've met men that I can still toss around (mostly on the roller derby track though :p) Although I know that the aforementioned affliction, puberty, does not adversely effect all people to such extremes, as a kid I felt really confused when this massive transformation began.
In middle school I was lucky enough to discover a great group of awkward, eccentric, down right weird-o friends and they acted almost like a buffer zone so I could still be me. Unfortunately, none of them came with me to college, and I found few people like my teenage friends during my 20s. Then, in my 30s roller derby saved me! I'm now happy to say that I live in a bubble of human individuality which gives me a place to feel safe, accepted and loved.
And now I'm pregnant.
This new adventure has taught me much, and has forced me to really think deeply about things I've always just accepted. Why do I feel/think/act this way? Where did it all come from? Do I actually like it? Do I want to change? I've needed to challenge many of my long standing principles because now not only do I need to make my thoughts on certain things known (because people ask pregnant folk all sorts of questions) but I often have to stand up for what I believe to be best (because people like to tell pregnant people that they don't know what they are talking about... aka "advice.")
Case and point:
My wife and I have no interest in our babies' sex. If we didn't need to have an ultrasound every 3-4 weeks then this wouldn't even be an issue, because we wouldn't be able to see their genitals until after we get to meet them face to tiny face. However, being pregnant with twins means that the doctors watch things really closely because things can go wrong quickly. I'm glad my doctors want to keep us all safe. I just wish that I didn't have to talk about whether or not my children have penises so often.
It seems REALLY odd to me that it's OK to talk about a person's genitalia just because that person doesn't know how to talk yet. I mean, think about it. If you met an adult who didn't really look like a man or a woman... you'd probably be really cautious about using pronouns (he/she) until you knew the person's preference. Right? But with babies, for some reason the rules are different. Apparently it is everyone's right to know what's going on in your baby's diaper. And my babies don't even wear diapers yet!
OK, I'm trying to hold the rage in... This topic has been irritating me for quite some time now. So I apologize if I come off sounding self-righteous and indignant. But let me tell you about my most recent encounter with this issue.
Last week I needed to go into the hospital to check out some issues (fret not, all is well.) While I was there the Physician's Assisntant who was tending to me and asked the ever so common question, "So, do you know what you're having yet?"
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OK, I have to pause for a second and just tell you how much I HATE this question. Do I know WHAT I am having yet? Like the humans growing inside of me are THINGS??? Seriously? UHG!!! I'm so fed up with the concept of parents treating children like things rather than people. And it starts before the kids are even born!! And comes from medical professionals! Seriously, I strongly believe that the way we speak TO and ABOUT children has a profound impact on how they develop... But that's a topic for another post that I've been trying to write for a month or so... Stay posted ;)
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I've heard this question so many times that I've got a stock answer for it:
Inquisitive Person: "So, do you know what you're having yet?"
Me: "Yeah, we're having humans."
IP: LOLz
And that's usually where it ends. The person realizes that I am not going to discuss my babies' genitalia with them and they move on. But every now and then, people continue to press for information. Usually I think these people don't understand sarcasm, or humor, or me. So I then clearly state, "We are not finding out the babies' sex before they are born." Well, that usually leads to them smiling and telling me what a great big surprise it will be to gaze between my child's legs shortly after they are born...
...creepy...
Anyway, back to the PA.
After delivering my typical responses she decided to politely imply that we were making the wrong decision. She said, with a near grimace, "I mean, sure, you can buy a bunch of yellow and green clothes now. But then, after they are born, you aren't going to want to go out to Target and get all the pink or blue stuff you'll need. It's really best to just be prepared."
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Sometimes I really miss being an irrational, emotional, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, imprudent teenager who has a "problem with authority." Life was so much "easier" back then. I really just wanted to scream at her... but I also wanted to get out of the ER and go home. So I swallowed my pride and decided to ignore this person who I would probably never see again.
For the record, let me get a few things straight:
1. Boys can wear pink.
2. Girls can wear blue.
3. I really, honestly and fully do not care what my babies' genders are.
And, perhaps most importantly:
4. I do not believe that knowing what kind of genitals my babies are born with will give me ANY information about who they are. I believe that who a person is, goes so much deeper than what society says they should be based on the presence or absence of a penis.
And, also important to note, just because your baby is born with a penis or a vagina does not mean that they will be a boy or a girl! I have several friends who were born with one style of equipment and later in life shared with the world that they were born with the wrong parts. I get it, I run in a weird circle, where I actually encounter people who are different from me... but come on!!
So, will the gender of our babies be some exciting surprise my wife and I are looking forward to? No. Google defines surprise as an unexpected or astonishing fact. Discovering if our children have a penis or a vagina will not be unexpected or astonishing... I'm fairly certain they will have one or the other.
Disclaimer: I know that there are some people who really care about gender... And that's their thing. I wrote this because there are people like me, who don't give a flying fuck about gender, and maybe the next time you encounter someone like me you could just let them be. (Disclaimer for the disclaimer: By "you" I mean, that guy that probably won't read blogs like this... so don't worry, I'm probably not talking about you.)
