My Wedding Speech

A couple weeks ago I got married! And I had this plan to give this great, public speech all about my new wife and how awesome she is and how much I love her and I was really looking forward to embarrassing her in front of a TON of people. But at the reception everyone was having so much fun (myself included) that I really didn't want to put a pause on the festivities... so I will give my speech here. This way I can embarrass her in front of even more people!! :)

Here it goes...

I want to give you all a little history of me and tell you why I decided to get married. It's not often I get a captive audience, so I am totally taking advantage of this!

When I was in my twenties I made the "noble" decision to not get married until marriage equality was a reality. I'd tell people that I had friends who couldn't legally marry their love and that just wasn't right... So, yeah... it had nothing to do with my own internal struggle! <wink>

My wife was not my first girl crush. But all those other crushes faded with time. So I never really had to deal with this part of who I am until a few years ago. When I first met Shockin', my wife for those of you who don't know her, I was instantly smitten with her... That's really the only way to describe how I felt at the time. She was teaching me crossovers and I felt like the luckiest person in the world to get this special one-on-one time with this beautiful, intelligent, kind, gifted skater...

Oh yeah, I felt super important! Kinda like how my teammate Hater felt when she sat next to Marc Maron at the radio show ;) .. (I wanted to put that line in my speech cause it's important to involve the audience in what you are saying... if they feel like they are are part of your story, they will stay engaged longer... and I also hoped it would make Hater laugh!)

So, I figured Shockin' HAD to  have noticed me ogling her at some point, and as we became closer friends I thought I had to tell her something otherwise she might think I "liked" her! Now, anyone who knows me well knows I SUCK at lying. I mean, except when I'm lying to myself ;) Cause I'm practically an expert at that! But lying to others... I just can't do it... The truth just eats it's way out of me. The last time I thought I could lie to someone I was about ten years old... and my mom TOTALLY saw me riding my bike in the street. Getting caught felt so awful that I just couldn't do that again! So thanks mom ;)

So, with all these braincells of mine, I decided that it would be best to tell Shockin' that I was intimidated by her... (This is where I would look at my new wife with a skeptical expression) Intimidated by HER...

For those of you who know my blushing bride she's about as intimidating as a kitten, off skates that is. You know... in retrospect... that was actually a really good lie!!! Cause she must have been so thrown off by my statement she'd have no idea it was a lie! The thing that actually intimidated me was the way I felt when she was around. So, you know... we did the next logical step... we moved in together! :)

So, I said earlier that Shockin' wasn't my first crush... I've had lots of crushes. And that experience has brought me the knowledge that there always comes a point in every crush where I discover The Thing. The Thing is that quirk, hobby, activity, vocalization, tick, or affirmation that makes me think, "Oh... yikes... nope, this person is NOT for me." To my knowledge, every single person I have ever had the privilege of getting to know well has The Thing. And it's different for everyone, and it's always something that I know would eventually drive me mad if I were to chose to be with that person for eternity.

So, I had hoped that living with Shockin' would let me know what The Thing would be with her. So, I waited. I observed. I queried. And I waited some more. This was sooooo strange. Even with friends I had no crush on I was eventually able to discern The Thing in them. But I couldn't seem to find it in the woman I now happily call my wife. This brought me to the conclusion that it is now time to get some counseling, because, through all my efforts, this crush wasn't going away.

I started journalling and working with a counselor to find a way to be me and be okay with me. I don't want to turn this into my coming out speech. But even with the amazing supportive group of friends and family I have, it was not easy to tell the world that my heart beat faster anytime Shockin' walked into the room.

I want to read to you a page from the journal I was keeping at that time. I'm reading this because I think it's pathetic in an adorable and hilarious way :)

"Yesterday Shockin' had plans to go to Hater's to do Laundry, and she waited to go till I got home... She also invited me to C&T's for the goodbye Nate brunch... I don't really know Nate but I know I like the idea of Shockin' wanting me around. Tonight she was feeling sick so she skipped D&D. She waited in the kitchen while I cooked my dinner then ate her leftover pizza for dinner as we sat on the couch chatting and vegging out. We talked about Darien Lake and she said she'd want me in the same car as her on a roller coaster. She called me her derby twin. But I was busy getting lost in her eyes so I didn't let myself be aware that I'm probably insane... I listened to her breathing when she dozed off... I must be insane, cause I wanted to listen to her breaths more than Invader Zim... I'm enjoying being insane right now."

I wanted to read that to you so that you could see what I see. That even something as ordinary and typical as eating pizza and breathing is beautiful, when it's the person you love that's eating and breathing.

So, I knew I was in love... but how did I know she was the right person to marry?

I love a good argument. I love to throw my knowledge around like sharpened flail. And I LOVE being right!

One day, shortly after we started dating, we found ourselves engaged in a disagreement. The particulars of the situation are not important. What is important is that my words had sharp edges and I threw them around carelessly. Shockin' left the "conversation" and went into her bedroom... It sounded like she was crying, and she was visibly upset.

Usually at this stage in the game I consider myself the winner. I was able to get the other person to eat their words and they are the one who became the emotional mess... so I win. But, for the first time EVER, I didn't feel that way. I actually started to panic a little.

I didn't understand this feeling, but a very clear thought came into my head at that moment. I realized that I care more about Shockin' than I do about winning.

(Pause for dramatic effect)

That, was a really big deal. Of course I went right in and apologized and told her that her feelings are more important than my big words. And over the next few years I practiced putting those words into action. I haven't been perfect, but I plan to have many years to practice :) To me, she is more important than winning.

So, long story short... Once I realized how important Shockin' was to me I knew that I had to ask her to marry me. And I'm really lucky that she said yes :)

... Now as some of you know, There were some people who were invited to our wedding who chose not to come because of their religion. It was very hard for me to hear these RSVPs from people I care so much about. As a nonreligious person it is very difficult for me to understand the perspective of these friends and family members. After much thought I have come to my own understanding of their situation. From my perspective I see that their god loves and accepts based on a certain set of conditions. So, since that belief is so foundational with them, I feel I cannot fault them for showing me the same conditional acceptance and love.

But, I look around here and I see all of you. And I feel the people who wanted to be here, but couldn't. And I just wanted to thank all of you for you unconditional love an acceptance. Words cannot do justice to the kind of happy you all make me feel. Thank you for being part of our day, our lives and our world.

<3