Or Maybe We're On The Wrong Path

Do you feel stressed?
...overweight?
...depressed?
...unfulfilled?
...unattractive?
...under-appreciated?
...confused?
...lost?

That's GREAT! We have just what you NEED?
How about a relaxing meditation vacation?
Or this new fitness routine at this new gym?
Or a new anti-anxiety medication?
Or a stimulating career certification course?
Or a sale at THE fashion store?
Or this new method that well teach YOU how to win them over?
Or this new thing... don't worry what it is, but we promise you can't live without it!

Or... Or... Well, come on... just tell us your symptoms, and we will find some way to numb them so you can get back to "enjoying" life just the way we want you to.

It seems that no matter your distress, someone has the answer for you. And they are almost always selling that answer. But does the answer provide an effective solution, or does it just help us carry our burdens longer by distracting us from the root of the problem?

I've been thinking about this for a while. Every year we have more and more fitness centers opening, and yet the obesity rate is rising. More people are depressed even though anti-depression use has skyrocketed. Even industry based mindfulness training meant to treat stress is perhaps a misguided effort.

Recently one of my new friends posted this question online:
"Dear Feelings, WHERE'S THE "OFF" BUTTON TO THESE THINGS."

Nearly half of the comments suggested some sort of distraction, from sports to coffee. Concerned not only for my friend's longterm well being, but also wanting to give a nugget of advice to others watching her status, I gave this answer:
"The off button is there... but it's dangerous to use... instead, turn up the volume, allow yourself to feel and know you are loved and everything is okay.  hugs."

This comes from my new favorite book, Daring Greatly. The author, Brene Brown, discusses the dangers of numbing ourselves and gives alternative solutions. Basically, the problem is when you are in pain, or sad, or angry you can't just numb those injured emotions. If you numb one, you numb them all. Numbing sadness numbs joy as well.

I wanted my friend to know that her emotions are valid. Though they may hurt, fighting them or hiding them will only injure or mask her beauty from our world. I also wanted her to know that she doesn't have to face that struggle alone, that she has many people who love her and that we are always there for her.

And I guess I am writing this because I want you to know that you too are not alone. Though I am afraid some of you may feel like you are. I am here for you, just as you are here for me. I sincerely believe that our connections bring us strength. They can give us the strength to go out and be ourselves.

I was a teacher at a school that forced children to sit still and be quiet for 10 hours a day as we drilled the students on skills that would raise their test scores. I felt stifled, then saddened, then crushed. I didn't have the courage to quit my job and fortunately at the end of the year they let me go because, "This place isn't the right fit for you."

While I worked there I was depressed and suffered from massive anxiety attacks that occurred with frightening frequency. Once I mourned the loss of my job I felt peace. I didn't need medication or new training ... I was pushing my non-square self into that school's square shaped ideology and I'm happy that I refused to conform for as long as I did.

I think if things feel wrong, they probably are. That chances are, it's not you... but the place you've put yourself that is causing you strife. This belief of mine exposes my faith in humanity, and I am happy to share that with you.

So, next time you feel wrong... maybe you just need a different path. :)